*** Joke of the Day: A Grandmother’s Wisdom ***
A beggar approaches a grandmother at the beach with his hands out. “Please, Señora,” the poor man pleads, “I haven’t eaten all day.”
“Good,” says the grandmother. “Now you won’t have to worry about cramps when you go for a swim.”
—Source: Reader's Digest
*** Joke of the Day: Fishing For Whiskey ***
“Poor Old fool,” thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. So he invited the old man inside for a drink. As they sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought he’d humor the old man and asked, “So how many have you caught today?”
The old man replied, “You’re the eighth.”
*** Playing Through ***
If I’m on the course and lightning starts, I get inside fast. If God wants to play through, let him.
... Bob Hope
*** Joke of the Day: PLEASE Don't Administer Orally ***
My teenage patient’s mother was concerned. “He must have a temperature,” she said. “He hasn’t taken our motorcycle out all day.”
“Let me ask you,” I said. “Do you have a thermometer?”
“No,” she said. “A Kawasaki.”
*** Joke of the Day: First Draft ***
I didn’t enlist in the Army — I was drafted. So I wasn’t going to make life easy for anyone. During my physical, the doctor asked softly, "Can you read the letters on the wall?"
"What letters?" I answered slyly.
"Good," said the doctor. "You passed the hearing test."
Source: Reader's Digest
*** Joke of the Day: Clean Floor ***
A police officer jumps into his squad car and calls the station.
“I have an interesting case here,” he says. “A woman shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped.”
“Have you arrested her?” asks the sergeant.
“No, not yet. The floor’s still wet.”
Source: Reader's Digest
*** Joke of the Day: Bat Competition ***
Once upon a time Dracula decided to carry some sort of a competition to see which is the finest bat to stand by his side. So all the bats were honored to take part. The rules were simple. Whichever bat drinks more blood, will be the winner.
So the first bat goes and comes back after 10 minutes. Her mouth was full of blood. Dracula says: "Congratulations, how did you do that?"
The bat said: "Do you see that tower? Behind it there is a house. I went in and sucked the blood of all the family".
"Very good" said Dracula. The second bat goes and comes back after 5 minutes all her face covered in blood. Dracula astonished says, "How did you do that?"
The bat replies " Do you see that tower? Behind it there is a school. I went in and drunk the blood of all the children".
"Impressive" said Dracula. Now the third bat goes and comes back after three minutes literally covered in blood from top to toe. Dracula is stunned. "How on earth did you do that????" he asked.
And the bat replies. "Do you see this tower?" Dracula replies with a yes. And the bat says "Well, I didn't!"